Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
