I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
