But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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