We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
