just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
