Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
