It's like a parade of train wrecks.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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