If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
