Can i not drive my cunt home
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
