my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
