almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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