Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
