If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
