I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
