And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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