dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
