I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would fuck him just for his dog
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
