Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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