I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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