I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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