and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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