He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
