everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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