So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
