im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm jealous of your bromance
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
