My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
