yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
