they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
