i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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