I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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