he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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