dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
