She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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