How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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