whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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