She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
