is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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