if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
