Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
