Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
