ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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