I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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