At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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