I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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