dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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