that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
