I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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