I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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