I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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