Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just had sex bonerless
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
