What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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