she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
