There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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