wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
