Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
