Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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