oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
