I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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