I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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