I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize