Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
