True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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