i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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