I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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