I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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