Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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