they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize