I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
