My cat gives me a boner
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
