Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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