So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
