i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
