I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
