Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
