she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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