So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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