Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
