and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
