you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize