I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
