Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
